The One We Got

Loving and living fully guarantee profound loss and pain. This is the price —the admission fee for a meaningful life.

I had a hunch and shared it with my siblings, ‘he has the eyes of death; it won’t be long.’ Two weeks later, I am en route to Honduras to face his demise. My words haunt me.

The Other Side

Losing a loved one opens the gates of emotions and exposes reservoirs of regret and pain. Healing comes through the sadness that washes ashore; what remains is a gift.

A self-correcting lens that adjusts my inner compass and erases pettiness —freeing me to focus on what matters most. This is the gift, the other side of death; I show up for myself and my people differently, with meaning and appreciation.

The Covid Delay

A cruel waiting game ensued, crippled by slow, painful hours that turned into days– purgatory for his inevitable fate. Still, I prayed for a miracle.

The delay was not to punish but rather purposeful. To reflect and reconcile what was and what is. Surrendering, he is the one we got. 

Love Language

He was a perfectly imperfect human who lived shackled by past sins. The heaviness of his reality drowned most. Yet, he survived by stripping all emotion, selecting to be a party of one, and cutting the ties that bind. 

Yes, this left us fatherless, but it also gave us life. He didn’t want his children to simply survive; he wanted us to thrive. So, he packed his burdens —resentment, disappointments—limitations —and walked away, choosing to release us from his anchor. This was his love language.  

To Forgive

Forgiveness and acceptance are not the same, yet bear edges that blur; just like scars, they don’t vanish, but healing is possible. 

Anger

It’s difficult to be angry and hate someone taking their last breath. The ugliness of truths dissipates, and flickers of light remain. 

Pushing aside what he wasn’t and honoring who he is—the sparkles that remain—his quirks, personality, and physical traits live in each of us, accepting that some ties that bind can never be broken.

In the End

My cousins share stories from the last years, and laughter breaks out; I feel a ping of jealousy—they got moments we never did—and then gratitude. In the end, no longer chained to the past.

Final Words

‘Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me’

‘I once was lost but now am found

Was blind, but now I see’

His lungs could not sustain uttering his final words, los quiero.  At last, I see too, lo quiero tambien. 

Xo-Mic