I spent years schlepping my boys from one field to another for sports, tossing paper bags filled with less-than-healthy meals to the back seat. The trunk of my SUV turned locker room on wheels. Housing cleats, Gatorade bottles, muddy socks, folding chairs, and sports bags with horrendous odors. Gag alert, often begging the question, is there a dead body in my car?
The pile of blankets—also in my trunk—served double duty: concealing the mess and offering warmth in the fickle, mostly shivering Michigan weather. But you know what? The bouts of hyperthermia were worth it. Catching glimpses of smiles and resolve from my kiddos on the field warmed my heart.
Catch-22
Win or lose; I loved watching and cheering them on. The benefits of sports are many; teamwork, competition, discipline, hard work, sportsmanship, and resilience are just a few.
However, the flip side to this narrative is not glowing, primarily if your child is not bestowed a ‘golden’ status. Too often, kids are made to feel inadequate and get crushed by the comparison game. Their peers or a coach sometimes propels this. Still, the worst perpetrators and most damaging often come from spectators and parents on the bleachers.
Parent Trap
I confess that I got sucked into the parent trap for a hot minute. You know, the ridiculous money-making machine that is youth sports. I got bamboozled into believing private lessons, expensive equipment, multiple leagues, camps, etc., would propel my kids to excellence.
Luckily, my husband put a kibosh on my insanity by exercising the B.S. button in our marriage. ‘You have lost your mind, women—that’s a whole lot of nonsense.’ My hubby always understood that sports come down to the individual’s willingness and that we could not ‘will’ our aspirations onto our kids. He would not allow my misguided notions to ruin their experience and insisted we adopt a chill approach—to ‘let ’em play ball’ on their terms, not ours.
We supported them without coaching—unless they sought direction. This new approach heightened my awareness of others, particularly adults misbehaving at sports games. So irritated, my hubby and I purposely separated from the pack (parents). Do you know that couple sitting alone, far away from the group? Yep, that was us. Our intent was not to be aloof, but it was the only way to avoid cringe-worthy exchanges. The commentating and yammer became too much!
Yackety-Yak
It’s punishing to listen to adults coach up kids from the bleachers. When did sports parents go from being supportive to becoming a significant liability? What’s up with the need to vocalize opinions—loudly—whether other people want to hear them or not?
Of course, not all parents—many, most—behave perfectly adultishly. But why do we, the sane ones, allow the few bad apples to ruin the experience? Are we being too polite by remaining quiet or, in my case, watching from afar? Why do we appease the crazies? I’d love to hand out penalty flags with warnings to parents; one more outburst, Mr. Wannabepro, and you are outta here!
I Get It
I get it; it’s competition; there are winners and losers; not all kids will soar on the field; not everyone deserves a trophy. All valid points. But this post is not about the machine that exploits parents and children to participate; this is about damaging a child athletically and emotionally when adults speak out of turn, adults who need to get a grip.
Aren’t we supposed to be the good guys? Aren’t we considered an example, shine a light, and say, I see you doing your best?
Leanna
Leanna Glazier Hunts’ post ‘A Little Mom Perspective’ hit a nerve with me. I resonated with a mother’s desire to encourage and support—a mother’s inkling to protect. A mother teetering between tears and anger. Ultimately, Leanna surfaces with the tenacity and bravery her daughter, Victoria, exhibits daily. Now, this is the best kind of sports parent. We need more of this, and we certainly need more Victoria’s.
Pause, Reflect, Redirect.
Xo-Mic
A Little Mom Perspective – Leanna Glacier Hunt
I sat behind these moms at my daughter’s volleyball game the other day that didn’t know who I was….
While Victoria was playing, they persisted to comment on everything she did wrong and how with “that height,” she should be doing… a.b.c…. Why would the coach leave her in… etc.
They were basically acting like they knew her and talked in such a justified manner…
I sat there fuming and almost ready to say something or cry…. but instead just got up and moved seats…. at that moment, I didn’t know what to say or if the words would come out right…. as I’ve thought about it, I decided To share my thoughts here:
I wanted to tell them:
Do you know she’s only been playing on a team for six months?
Do you know she’s blind in one eye? And has ZERO depth perception to even be able to hit the ball…
Do you know she cried for days thinking she would never be good enough?
Do you know she practiced 8 hours a week this summer so she could improve enough to even try out for the team?
Do you know she is doing so FREAKING amazing, and do you know she’s my daughter???
Do you know it’s women like you who don’t know how to build up another person and teach your daughters it’s ok to talk about other girls like this?
Just a friendly mom note… Remember, before you speak or choose to judge someone… do you get that right??? Do you know their story? Have you lived in their shoes???
Choose kindness!
Choose Love!
And for the love of all things good in the world… don’t be so quick to open your mouth to talk about someone you truly know nothing about!
#volleyball
