I wrapped up twenty-one sidelined by the ‘nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever.’ Reenacting a NyQuil commercial was not part of my master plan; on the contrary, we had plans to ring in the new year in Florida. My boys took the canceled vacay in stride by demonstrating significant constraint (not whining) and saying all the right things— to my face. Disappointing my kiddos I can handle, getting benched is a different story. I am a terrible patient. My tolerance for idling is about the length of two, maybe three, episodes of Yellowstone.
Sidenote on Yellowstone, I can’t decide – am I scared of Beth, or do I have a girl crush? And Rip, boy, would love to have him call me darlin’, just once! My sister n’ law, Blue Eyes, asked my brother to start calling her darlin’ to no avail. (If you have not watched Yellowstone, umm, what are you waiting for? watch it!)
Anyway, back to being dethroned, to say I get antsy is putting it mildly. I have been quarantining in my bedroom and behaving like a drama queen. Wadded-up tissue adorns my king-size bed, and for added flair, I even began tossing tissue onto the floor—my childish way of revolting a self-imposed stay in the bedroom order. Occasionally I belt out a loud cough concerto for the entire house to enjoy. The residue of Lysol aerosol lingers my path, like cheap cologne from Abercrombie and Fitch; seriously, am I the only one that gets a headache stepping foot in that store?
Nonetheless, I am keenly aware of the power the universe holds and the well-orchestrated timing of knowing precisely what I need– even at the expense of interrupting my holiday. As I lay in my bed of clouds (tissues), I dose on and off from the most delicious cat naps that produce several vivid dreams. I am outside on my back patio in one reoccurring dream, rocking on my hammock under the lights, staring at the stars. Beyond the stars is a black screen. A number countdown begins; think of an old monochromatic film, no sound, just the noise from the film reel flapping. 3, 2, 1, scenes from the year play out, people, interactions, big moments, the not-so-great, the film reel ends with the words, To Be Continued… a smile on my face; wow, I am one lucky girl.
Reflecting on twenty-one is bittersweet. The lows sunk deep, yet the highs elevated life to new heights, and let me say, the view from the top is magnificent. I suppose I could get hung up on the slumps but choose to make peace and bid farewell instead. The truth is that I am grateful for all the experiences, including the not so great. I fully appreciate that all the moments in twenty-one were the admission fee to partake in this ride called life, to be alive. So yes, please, I will have more of this in twenty-two. Gazing into the days ahead, I am filled with hope and optimism; ooh, what else can I accomplish?
Resolutions
Like most, I too squandered many years making unrealistic New Years’ resolutions only to fall short within a few weeks. I sabotaged my goals by focusing on my limitations rather than my strengths. I essentially had a permission slip to quit and a concession speech ready to launch. At the first glimpse of defeat, I would stamp the resolution as a failure, throw my hands up; oh well, I tried. Not allowing room for slip-ups was just what I needed to bail.
I now realize that resolutions are not meant to be complicated but rather an opportunity to look inward and decide that I can do better and be better. With this new lens, I can accomplish many goals. I no longer permit myself to quit, but I allow space for setbacks and the grace for bad days. As I weave my gigantic dream catcher for twenty-two, I am sure to include a chillax button, room to reset, knowing no matter what happens, I must keep going.
Twenty-two
Let’em Off The Hook
Every. Single. Person. All the peeps that have disappointed me, including me, and my not-so-great moments. The silly arguments, the resentment, the expectations. I am unplugging the scoreboard (you know you keep one too) and tossing it in the trash. A clean slate, to say, I am setting you free. Be happy. There are no attachments, no hooks, just peacefully learning who to love enough from afar and who to keep close.
The Chatter In MY Head
I am most definitely going to stop worrying about the imaginary forecast in my head. The subscription to negative chatter and false scenarios is officially canceled.
My Intent
To feel good and surround myself with mostly happy people (there is always a hiccup, that’s life, no worries), but generally, I am seeking happiness. I am saying YES to people and things that allow me to be in this state of mind and saying NO to vampires, sucking the joy out of life. I pass, no thank you, nope, not happening. I will strive to do all things with a purpose (vacation, chill, read, workout, move, play, eat, dance, indulge, write, relationships, conversations, love, laugh, be joyous, etc.)
Keep Going
No matter what life interrupts me with, no matter the detours, no matter the difficulties, I will keep going… keep doing for others, keep giving back to my community, keep exposing illuminators, keep learning, growing, and sharing. I will keep smiling, spreading joy, inspiring. I will keep moving, getting better, faster, stronger. Keep creating, keep parenting, keep doing things that scare me, keep showing up in significant ways. I will keep living fully. The alternative is not an option; I will keep going.
Enough about me, how do you feel about twenty-two? Are things working out for you? Are you thriving and propelling forward? If yes, keep going, and please share your secret sauce.
But if you are not, I am curious, are you growing tired of your story? Are you sick of the why me and playing the victim card shtick? Are you wrapping up another year only to realize you have not been living; you have only been existing.
You have so much to offer this world, but you need to say ENOUGH. You are getting too comfortable taking the hits. I need you to start pushing back. Oh, I can hear you saying, ‘If only or it is what it is, this is my reality,’ and I say, of course, it is your reality; you are making it your reality. Your words matter, so if you say I am overwhelmed, I am not good enough, I don’t have the resources; I don’t have the talent, I can’t do that, I can’t stop, my hands are tied, I am afraid, etc. Congratulations, you are getting precisely what you seek. Don’t you see that you will absolutely live life with constraints if you keep arguing for your limitations?
Perhaps it is time to pump the breaks and try a different approach. What do you have to lose? Cancel the negative chatter subscription. Take control of the wheel, no doubt life will force you to take detours, but you still get to choose the gear; better yet, pull over and refuel. You are in control of your response. So, here is my unsolicited advice, learn to bloom where you are (make it rain) or rip the whole garden up and start again, but please don’t waste one more day wilting (existing); start growing.
3-2-1 To Be Continued…
Be Amazing,
