September 4, 2020
The day I learn his name—details of the fatal accident trickle in. A third-year Michigan State University student, Dominic Duhn, was killed in a hit-and-run while riding his skateboard with friends. Dominic was twenty years old. Survived by his parents, Drew, Gabriella, and younger brother, Enzo. My heart sinks for Gabriella, I do not pretend to know her pain, to bury a child, no, I do not know, but I do know what it is to love a son. A silent prayer, God give her strength, is all I can whisper. The accident occurred less than a mile from my home; this could have been one of my boys.
September 3, 2020 – 11:37 PM
It was meant to be a joy ride, boys being boys, amping up the ride by taking a rolling main road. It was late, but the time somehow felt safe; traffic is relatively quiet at that hour in these parts. By all accounts, we are a sleepy town. In a blanket of darkness, he used the flashlight from his phone to alert any possible drivers of his whereabouts. It happened fast; Dominic struck and killed instantly; the driver never stopped.
Today
I think of him most days. His shrine remains, and I pass his memorial often on my way to and from mundane errands. I always say a quick prayer, but then the moment escapes me as I get distracted by the busyness of life.
It’s not like that for Gabriella, Drew, and Enzo. They don’t get to think of him in passing; they don’t get on with their day. To be clear, they have gathered the pieces and are slowly rebuilding their broken hearts. But the loss is permanent—constantly tugging at them every minute—so for them, it’s not about getting over it—it is about learning to live without Dominic. It’s setting the dinner table for three.
You know, Gabriella says, “People maintain that birthdays and holidays must be hard.” She pauses, “not particularly. The days before his birthday are challenging; the days after his birthday are just as difficult; every day is hard; it’s constant. I am learning to live despite the tug.”
The Dream-Gabriella
She reflects on the day, ‘It was early in the semester; he should have been at school. I remember saying, stay on campus, appreciate the experience. You don’t need to come home. I love seeing you, but I want you to enjoy University life.’ But he insisted and came home regularly. Later, she learned that Dominic was coming home to support a friend in need. ‘I didn’t know the details, but I am not surprised,’ she admits, ‘Dominic loved his friends; they were family to him, of course, he protected their privacy; naturally, he would want to help them.’
She remembers going to bed and waking with a jolting sensation, a dream of getting knocked off her feet. It startled her.
Shortly after the ‘dream,’ the knock on the door, the news, ‘I am sorry to inform you, Dominic has been in a fatal accident,’ she struggles to understand, she sees lips moving, but what they are saying, can’t be, no, wait, what? How? When? I just saw him; her body paralyzed, the words slowly sink in, her baby is not coming home, anguish sets in, her throat closes, she can’t breathe.
The Duhns opted to hold off on sharing the loss with family members; keep in mind they learned of Dominic’s passing in the early hours of September 4. In disbelief, they sat in darkness, attempting to assemble the puzzle; why was he there? How could someone keep driving? Did he suffer? What was the last conversation? Too many unanswered questions to make any sense.
Gabriella remembers a sensation of peace that came over her. She wiped her tears, reached for Drew and Enzo’s hands, and dropped to her knees. God help us.
November 2021- Beauty In Pain
Gabriella has an undeniable aura that follows her, perhaps a spiritual awakening. I find her to be gracious, kind, and thoughtful. She is small in stature but mighty when you hear her speak. She is forthcoming on a mission to build a skate park in honor of Dominic, an idea she credits her son Enzo and friend Jack Tsalis with initiating.
Enzo and Jack petitioned for the park with officials in our community, and barring any setbacks, the skate park project will go forward. The design is in the works; there are still a few hurdles. Gabriella will undoubtedly do what it takes to make it happen; she also has the community’s support. The Duhn Family and supporters have started a grassroots fundraising effort to build a 10,000 sq ft park, vowing to raise $500,000; they have raised $170,000.
Dominic
Dominic was an old soul and a devoted caretaker. He spread kindness and went out of his way to be helpful; indeed, Drew and Gabriella planted seeds that soared in Dominic. I get the sense that Dominic worried less about being in the in-crowd and cared more for people in the shadows, spending most of his time reaching back and lifting others.
Enzo
Their home is a revolving door of family and friends paying their respect. These are the types of gatherings that he and Dom would have most certainly found a place to hide. He still can’t believe it; they were best buds, always had each other. Who is going to hide with me now, he thought?
He is suffocating from all the attention, and the only person he wants to be with is gone forever. He needs air, so he grabs his skateboard and takes off for a ride, finding comfort in the thing that took his brother’s life. Perhaps, a nudge from above, ‘c’mon, little bro, let’s get out of here, let’s have a chat,” an idea starts to hatch.
The Unity Park
The Duhn Family envisions a safe place for people of all ages and backgrounds to gather under unity. A community landing spot to practice a few tricks or be a spectator. The family is mindful that not all kids play traditional sports; this venue will offer an alternative. The central theme of the park is inclusion. The subheadings are equally important; physical movement and mental health also play roles.
The Shoes
Shoes appeared on the power lines near the memorial shortly after the accident. Legend has it that when the dead person’s spirit returns, it will walk that high above the ground, much closer to heaven. For safety reasons, officials took the shoes down. Gabriella was able to retrieve them for safekeeping. They currently hang from her back deck. She plans to bury the shoes in the concrete of the skate park. To honor Dominic and serve as a reminder, we all have a path to walk; our steps matter, be purposeful. Using Dominic’s kindness as a north star, all are welcome; no matter what shoes you wear (where you come from), you belong in the unity park.
5:45 AM
Gabriella has experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. The discovery and conviction of the young man who took Dominic’s life, a judicial system that often felt skewed, grief, and Covid is a lot to endure. So, you can imagine that there are days that feel like the world is swallowing her whole; miraculously, there is always a nudge that keeps her going.
The most beautiful music awakens her; it’s 5:45 am. She looks at Drew, puzzled; where could it be coming from? To their astonishment, the sound is coming from an old music box belonging to Drew’s grandmother, a family heirloom that has not worked in decades, yet the music plays this morning. Simultaneously, Drew’s phone alarm goes off at 5:45, a notice he did not set.
“When you think God has forgotten what you have been through, he is reminding you through the number 545; this battle belongs to HIM.”
Gabriella knows Dominic finds ways to communicate; she feels his energy, a hand on her shoulder, a rainbow, and music—reminders to release, breathe, and trust.
Anger
Anger is not her friend.
Anger will not bring him back.
Anger will not mend her heart.
Anger will not let her forgive.
Anger will steal her joy.
Anger will not give her the strength to strap on her boots and campaign for the skate park.
Anger will keep her heart in pieces.
Anger will try to interfere with her relationship with God.
Gabriella credits her faith, husband, and boys for giving her strength. She refuses to allow Dominic’s death to shadow Enzo’s life. ‘Trust me, I would love to put Enzo in a bubble, but I can’t; I won’t do that to him. He has a life to live, joy to discover, and deserves happiness, but mostly, he deserves parents who are present. I have lost one child; I will not lose another by shackling Enzo to my fears.”
The Notebook
Eventually, the casserole dinners stop, people move on, and family members are left holding the pieces, sorting through personal belongings, minimizing a life to a box; it is cruel. It is also intrusive. Scrolling through text messages, reading emails, cleaning drawers, and reading journals not meant for your eyes.
This is where Gabriella found herself. Holding tight to his favorite sweatshirt, taking in a big inhale, hoping for any remnants of his smell, just one more time, to feel him in her arms, just like she did so many times, rocking him to sleep, kissing his precious forehead as a toddler, the delicious scent, her baby, he will always be.
She shares a few pages from his notebook and handwritten notes from Help Yourself by Dave Pelzer. A twenty-year-old reading a self-help book is telling an introspective young man.
I read through his notes…
Don’t hate anyone; it’s a waste of time and energy. Hate is cancer.
Don’t hold grudges because it only hurts you, forgive
We live on borrowed time, so we need to make the most of every day and enjoy our youth.
Let go of what you cannot change.
Tomorrow is not promised, so live life like there is no tomorrow.
I can’t help but think that these words serve a purpose: Dominic’s wishes, a letter to his family and friends to live fully.
Sheldon Road
I pass his memorial on Sheldon Road, and it dawns on me that Sheldon is the intersection, the trunk for the branches of Dominic’s life. Sheldon Road leads to a childhood home filled with love and the unbreakable bond of brothers. It is also the street that intersects The Northville Township Board of Trustees and City Council, the offices for the Northville Parks & Recreation (essential for the skatepark), and the future location for the park. The same road that one day will tell the story of salvation for the young man serving time for Dominic’s death, a road that will speak of forgiveness and faith. But mostly, it was a road that took the life of a beautiful soul and united a community.
Gabriella insists that Dominic is a few steps ahead of us in this journey. As I weave through his life, I understand her message. Dominic took his last breath skateboarding on Sheldon Road with one flickering light. Yet, his light remains, illuminating the path forward.
Gabriella, By The Grace of God
Gabriella spends her days spreading joy and compassion and campaigning heavily for the Northville Skateboard Project. She has also discovered that being a member of the ‘Momma Who Has Lost a Child’ club gives her insight to help incoming members deal with the raw emotions of loss. She sends condolence cards to strangers who have suffered a loss to let them know they aren’t alone in the battle—channeling her pain with an act of kindness to comfort strangers.
Gabriella did not choose any of these scars, but she teaches us how to take the reins in healing. Thank you, Gabriella, for illuminating and showing us what is ToGETherJOY.
‘She is selfless. Her inner light is so brilliant that it illuminates the existence of others. She lights spirits with her kind, generous, and caring soul. She brightens a room with her enormous and infectious energy serving as a reminder that good exists. She reveals that compassion and love have the power to influence and change lives. She is a guiding light; she is an Illuminator’- Mic
Dominic’s Lighthouse
Dominic’s impact will be felt for years thanks to the efforts of the Duhn Family, friends, and the community’s support, Dom’s lighthouse will soon find a permanent home in the Northville Skate Park.
Dominic is still unifying, bringing people together, as always. Thank you for flickering your light, a solace reminder to light the path even in darkness.
Be the light,
Mic
