Journaling this week, pausing for a thought, it dawned on me; I have my mama’s hands. I see the shape of my fingers, the lines, the softness, and even the calluses. It may be wishful thinking on my part; after all, my mama is my guiding light. I pinch myself when I think or speak her name, my voice cracks, my eyes tear up, and my heart bulges out of my chest. I am her daughter; she is my mother; I am her flesh. I don’t fret over winning the lottery; I have been winning ‘big’ from birth with this chick by my side. So, yes, I pinch myself; how can I be this lucky?

My mama is the first to confess; she didn’t always get it right. Some days swallowed her whole. After all, parenting is hard, even in the healthiest environment. As a single parent, perfection is out the window. Can you imagine raising six kids with limited funds? Scratch that, raising countless children, after all, I cannot discount the many she ‘adopted’ along the way. (Sara, Omar, Kenny, Carlos, Mick, Kim, Janine, Julie, to name a few)

But you know what? My mama got A LOT right. I always give my sissies credit for being the OG’s of ToGETherJOY; but truth be told, it all stems from the house my mother built.

At the young age of seventy-plus, she is still at it. Giving, loving, doing for others. I asked her recently, “Mama, don’t you burn out, get tired of always being the one to do?’ She doesn’t hesitate to recite what I have heard my entire life, ‘hoy por ti, mañana por mi’ and ‘haz bien y no mires a quien.’ Translation, “today for you, tomorrow for me” and “do good and do not look at who.”

I’ll never come close to her amazingness, but I am giving it my all to do right by her, to honor her legacy, to have my mama’s hands.

my mama's hands
tell a story 
of despair and hopelessness
but mostly 
of love and compassion

my mama's hands
scars exist
dark days that turned to years
these hands
gathered the pain and lit the match
set the hurt to flames

my mama's hands
wiped her tears
discovered her worth 
not in the eyes of others 
but in her heart
to do for others 
what no one did for her

my mama's hands
lift when others walk away
hold when others turn their backs 
love when others judge

my mama's hands
built this house
her hands on our back
encouraging
guiding 
believing

Nana

I thank the heavens for the illuminators in my life. The ones who have lit my runway during periods of darkness. I am indebted and make every effort to express my appreciation privately. Still, I would be remiss if I did not publicly spotlight the most crucial illuminator in my orbit. And that is without question my mama (aka nana, nana banana).

The world, I am understanding, is filled with takers and givers. Unquestionably my mama is a giver, in a BIG, GIANT sort of way. For as long as I can remember, she has always carved out space in her universe to help others. As a child, this made me very jealous; she seemed to be perpetually distracted by others and their needs. I did not appreciate her spirit and often wondered, “why is she always doing for other people?” It took time and maturity for me to recognize her purpose in life is to illuminate; her inner light is too bright not to share with the world.

The number of people that she has ‘adopted’ over the years is vast. Hence, my very eclectic family. Our family tree is enormous, crazy, and wonderful. Nana is the root of this massive tree; her loving heart serves as the trunk. The branches represent the people she has transformed and bear her fruit, a reminder of nana’s pure goodness. It is jaw-dropping to stop and ponder the positive impact she has made. It brings me joy to witness nana banana plant nuggets of kindness and compassion in her grandchildren too. Indeed, her tree of life will continue for decades.

Life has served her the whole gamut. She has enjoyed wealth and privilege but has also endured hardships. There was a period that life just served up piles and piles of shit, enough to build a mountain. Nonetheless, she persevered by remaining faithful to her gratitude meter.

Here is what makes my nana so remarkable, she gives freely and often. Sometimes this comes in monetary form, but mostly she dolls out big scoops of love, support, and kindness. She is a modern-day Mother Teresa, yeah, I said it, I accept the challenge, I grasp the comparison’s magnitude, but you know what, boom, I am staking the flag, owning it; nana is that special.

So, thank you, mama, for lighting the path forward. Thank you for teaching me that there is always room at the table for one more; no matter what, make room. And for constantly reminding me that we would not be here today if not for our yesterdays. And today is a really good day.

I will always need you,