I am not sure what is going on, but lately, there has been a lot of chatter on nutrition and fitness. Maybe it’s linked to the change of season. Last week, I witnessed my family compartmentalize food into Yes and NO columns for the first time ever. It turns out many of them have turned to the Keto diet in the hopes to shock their system. I am not sure which is more alarming, that my family is eliminating foods or that I now know what a Keto ‘stick’ is- both, I’d say. But it gets worse. One must give up alcohol (most alcohol) to fully actualize a Keto altered state. 

Urinating on a stick, I can deal with, deprive me of my favorite cocktails; well, that’s a big ask, borderline inhumane. It’s official; Keto and I will never be friends. 

Even so, I will not stand in the way of anyone striving for a healthier lifestyle. If this means drinking Vodka with water for the evening, so be it.

I, too, have been looking for ways to shock my system, not with diets but with workouts. My practices are feeling stale. So, at the suggestion of a very cool chick, I joined a Facebook group for Peloton users. The FB group produces a monthly calendar with suggested strength training classes. Three different courses are stacked per day to offer a no-brainer, easy-to-follow workout. I have been on the calendar for weeks, and my muscles are screaming with soreness. A clear sign that this is working. Exactly what I needed! 

Undoubtedly, my peeps and I will realize results. The weight is melting off my family, and I am gaining muscle. It’s not rocket science; shock your system, shift your patterns, and change will happen. We can argue the sustainability of fad diets/routines in another post.  

Back to the Facebook group, of course, I spent an adequate amount of time stalking them. You know how much I struggle with social media, my love/hate relationship. I wanted to be sure this group is legit and not a fuckery of fakery. I am growing tired of sites that promote ‘look at me, look how amazing I am.’ And guess what, it isn’t. It surprised the heck out of me. The group is authentic, caring, kind, and offers a platform for encouragement and support. The posts cover the whole gamut, from simple recommendations to full-blown pep talks with selfies revealing progress, not perfection. As I flip through the commentary, I find an optimistic, yes you can, don’t quit attitude. Ah, this is refreshing, no filtered photos, just real people with real shit…this I connect with. 

Pause, Reflect, Redirect

As I pause to reflect and consider my new group of friends, I can’t help but wonder: 

Why is it so easy to encourage and offer kind words to others…we do this easily and freely to friends and strangers alike?

YET when it comes to speaking to ourselves, we take a vastly different, much harsher approach. 

I want to understand why women have such a difficult time speaking to themselves with compassion.  

When we look in the mirror, we say things like ‘not good enough, I can’t do that’ Or worse, we focus on the imperfections of our bodies, the dimples in our legs, and the lines in our face. 

Consider this; if a girlfriend came to us feeling discouraged about her weight, we would never say, yea, you are fat. I have been meaning to tell you that your thighs are looking flabby. We would shift the tempo and say things like, ‘don’t be so hard on yourself; I’m proud of you for joining the exercise class, lean into your new diet, baby steps, etc.’ The point is that we would never bash our friends (or strangers). Yet, we have no problem looking in the mirror and spewing negative thoughts – argh, my boobs, my stomach; I am ugly, I am fat.

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, ‘damn girl, looking good!’ 

We need to do more of this. I do not suggest we walk around being self-absorbed, but I recommend we apply the kindness we offer to others inward. 

So how can I inspire women to F.L.Y. (first love themselves)? What is the easiest path forward for women who are too comfortable pointing out imperfections and comparing themselves to others? How can I get them to flip the switch and see their true beauty?

ToGETherJOY is my attempt to chip away at the negative self-talk and help women focus on what lies on the inside. Let’s face it, our energy is misplaced and needs redirection. We emphasize too much energy on creating a version of ourselves that we want others to accept as if somehow our waistline size offers any value. We need to blow up the destructive chatter taking place in our heads. 

At the core, we all have an intrinsic need to be seen, but how can we expect others to see us- if we aren’t willing to see and accept ourselves fully.  

I am on a mission to push my daily ‘stack.’ A foundation diet for a JOYous transformation. I am convinced that we can’t address nutrition and exercise until we grasp the emotional undercurrent causing the yo-yo dieting. I encourage women to pause on trendy diets and add this base layer that focuses on calibrating and cleansing their inner being. 

The JOY Club

JOY Stack: F.L.Y. (First Love Yourself)

First, love yourself; this is non-negotiable. Sorry, not sorry…Keto, Peloton, exercise routines, Weight Watchers, transformation retreats, fasting, y’all must come second. 

You must fall in love with who you are and where you are today, this moment, precisely as you are. Fall so in love with yourself that it ignites an avalanche of better decisions. You will naturally make better choices in all areas of your life; do you know why? Because you will feel worthy.   

JOY Stack 2: Eliminate

Eliminate all negative self-talk and get rid of all naysayers and harmful people in your life (buh-bye, Randy!)

Don’t say this: My legs are fat. (criticize)

Say this: These legs have logged miles in my journey, so grateful for the places I have explored with them. I am getting them stronger for the next adventure. (embolden)

JOY Stack 3: Choose JOY

Joy must become a daily intention. Say it aloud to the universe, ‘today, no matter what is hurled my way, no matter who tries to steal it, I choose JOY.’

Consider the happiest person you know for a moment. What happens when you are around them? I bet you feel instantaneously happier. Do you know why? Because happy people have contagious energy. I am asking that you become that person, an agent for JOY infecting others. To be the kind of person that gets asked, ‘why are you always so happy?’

This makes me think of one of my friends Missy, the epitome of happiness. I have never been in her presence and not experienced pure joy. She is infectious. She is funny, witty, clever, and has the best laugh… I wish I could bottle her energy up. I don’t believe her world is always rainbows and unicorns, yet she knows how to be joyous and live in the moment. Happy people are the best!

Choosing JOY is not easy and requires training. Life will try to knock you down. It will throw shit your way before you even finish your first cup of coffee. Listen, life happens, and sometimes life sucks. I get that; I get that there are moments that we get to be sad. But the rest of the time, we need to seek joy actively. And when you get knocked down and get out of sorts (which will happen), it helps to have a Rolodex of moments that bring you to an instant state of happiness.

For me, my Rolodex includes:

• The Ellen DeGeneres show
• Christmas Eve with the fam
• Aunt Shirley taking photos
• Laughing with my tribe (don’t forget to tip your chambermaid!)
• Dancing the fish pole with Blue-eyes
• CL’s robot moves 
• Beer bonging with my Highschool crew (still got it)

These are just a few of my cues for joy; My smile and laugh-aloud moments. When all else fails, there is always music. Blast music and have a one-person dance party. Be sure to have your list handy; you will reference it often; joy thieves are always lurking.

Be mindful of your thoughts and remember: (By Lao Tzu)

• Watch your thoughts; they become words.
• Watch your words; they become actions.
• Watch your actions; they become habits.
• Watch your habits; they become your character.
• Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

What do you think, can we do this illuminators? Can we learn to F.L.Y., eliminate negative vibes and choose JOY? C’mon, what do you have to lose? Try the JOY Stack, shock your system, and watch the transformation.

F.L.Y. with me,