For REALS

Chew on this, my takeaways after a roller-coaster week…

Boys are less complicated

Period. It’s true; women complicate things. I should know; I am a woman. I am guilty of overthinking, planning, over everything. I reserve this level of crazy for areas in my life outside my boys. I established a no-crazy zone with my kids a long time ago. I gave up trying to control them, what they eat, what they wear, what sports they play. It turns out they are not the type one can control; neither is my husband or anyone else in my life, for that matter. (Looky here, folks, this is me acknowledging that the only person I can control is me, myself, and I) However, I am free to obsess over my pantry, closet, and all non-human-related areas of my life.

MY Takeaways

1. Did you know? 

Did you know that Facebook has all sorts of groups one can join? Exercise, blogging, cooking are just a few. For reals, have you checked out the parent groups? I joined a UM parent one (compromised mostly of women) to prepare for the upcoming year and discovered a vault of intel for all things relating to university life. Here’s a little nugget of information, excel files exist with itemized lists of all items one could need for a dorm room. Spreadsheets range from simple to excruciating detailed lists (think paper clips), including cost per unit and best place to purchase (for the budget-conscious folks). For REALS.

Now, what do you suppose happens when you expose a free-range parent to a chat group intended to offer helicopter parents a massive landing strip? You guessed it, winner, winner, chicken dinner! The free-range parent goes into a complete tailspin of panic mode. That’s what happened to yours truly; as my finger scrolled through all the commentary, I slowly unfold into a hot mess. ‘I don’t have that; we didn’t get that, he has to do what? What the heck is that?’

Thanks to @okboomers (A slang term used by kids for old people. I am considered to be in this category too), I breathe a little easier; the voice of reason pipes in,‘ ok boomers, chill out, it will all work out.’ Phew, we are not the only ones without a strategic plan to secure blue bins on move-in day. So, we don’t need to purchase an air fryer, ice coffee maker, and rapid covid tests. Good to know. And just like that, @okboomers snaps me out of my panic trance and back to free-range mode. I will need a lot of wine if I continue a relationship with this parent group.

Do you remember the overzealous homeroom moms you met when your kids were in elementary school? Well, they still exist. They are a bit older and are now taking over parent groups on social media. I once got scolded by a room mom for not alternating paper bowls by design at a class party. Seriously, do you think first graders give two shits over serving bowls? Nope, they don’t. You know who cared; she did, the room mom, like really, really cared!

2. Insta Ready

Mom/daughter duo win. Period. There is no competition when it comes to details and decorating. I don’t know what award they get, but they win the whole enchilada. I first learned this important lesson when my boys were in middle school. As my kids fumbled to learn how to work the combination lock to their locker, eager to uncover the secret metal box that would house piles of messiness. By contrast, the girls (along with their moms) were busy bringing their vision to life. Transforming the small metal box into a space worthy of Pinterest. Wallpaper and mirrors adhered, shelves in place, and photographs of their BFF impeccably situated to create the perfect Insta story.

Imagine what this dynamic duo can do with a 10×12 dorm room? I caught a glimpse as I pushed my way through the hallways. String lights perfectly hung from the ceiling, cascading equal distance apart to create a whimsical and soft mood, a far cry from the dreaded fluorescent lights. Headboards attached discretely with zip ties (predictably a line item on the excel spreadsheet). Throw pillows and yummy blankets casually yet purposely laid out on beds, soft area rugs used to cover old, scratched floors, and desks converted into makeup vanities. I can assure you, these duos aren’t winging it. Months of preparation went to produce these makeovers, and it shows. Kudos to them! 

And then there are the boy’s dorm rooms. Let’s say it’s less of a production: a refrigerator, microwave, a bin of snacks, a gaming system, and a poster. I did insist on a few plastic containers for organizing, and a clothes hamper. I now realize how foolish that is. He didn’t use a hamper or put anything away in his room at home, so not sure why I thought he would change his ways with some new bins. Ha, the joke is on me! That hamper will never know what it is to have clothes in it; why? When the floor and chair suffice. Hence, no area rug is needed; soon, his feet will be cushioned by piles of dirty clothes. 

3. A Few Fun Facts about The University Of Michigan (UM)

• Football stadium ‘The Big House’ is the second biggest stadium in the world.
• Alumni include Tom Brady, Michael Phelps, and James Earl Jones, to name a few…Darth Vader in the house!
• Hash Bash and Naked Mile exist.
• UM is selective, acceptance rates teeter at 20%, and is considered an elite public school with an affordable price tag (if you are lucky enough to be in-state)
• Dining halls offer a full menu including kosher, gluten-free, halal, vegan, vegetarian.

4. Not So Fun Facts

~Seven out of eighteen residence halls have central air.

Translation: no tearful goodbyes

Guess who’s room does not have A/C? Needless to say, move-in day was toasty, and by the time we unloaded on the eighth floor, it was full-blown uncomfortable. We are not a happy-go-lucky crew with a glazed donut look (layers of sweat) and famish. Thus no tearful goodbyes for this squad. We stood in a corner street, and Thing 1 said, ‘Well, I guess this is the fork in the road.’ Indeed, son. 

~Why is lofting/ moving beds/furniture a thing in a room the size of a closet? 

Translation: lifting and flipping solid wood furniture built in the ’70s (I am guessing) turned into how many f*ck bombs one can use. 

~Each room has four electrical outlets.

Translation: Each kid gets two. Do the math—refrigerator, microwave, coffee maker, pc, chargers, fan, etc. Good news, I have years of experience lighting up my entire front yard with Christmas lights and two outlets, challenge accepted, dorm room. 

Didn’t See That Coming

5. Sibling love 

We are enjoying our last supper at home. Hey, Thing 2, you make the toast for your brother. And he does. My husband and I look at each other, didn’t see that coming. It’s heartfelt, sweet, and emotional. I dropped the ball; I did not consider the impact this change is having on Thing 2. Now, this makes me tear up.  

6. It’s 3 am. Do you know where your child is? 

My eyes light up; I am wide awake. It’s 3 am. The brain is in overdrive mode. Is he ok? Is he in his dorm room? Is the fan powerful enough? Did he meet anyone? I have an entire conversation and eventually talk myself out of checking Life360. I reason that I can’t do this; I will worry all the way to crazy town. I must learn to let go. I am feeling proud of myself for having the willpower not to check his whereabouts, and just as I close my eyes, my husband jumps out of bed and grabs his phone, ‘he’s not in his dorm room!’ 

Where is he? ‘I don’t know,’ he says, ‘but I am guessing he is not homesick.’ Stop, we can’t do this, this is insanity, and it’s only the first night. I plea with him to put the phone away, he lays back down, still holding the phone. He reports back every few minutes, ‘still not moving.’ We are heavy-eyed but awake. Finally, ‘it’s 4:01 am, the eagle has landed, he is back in his dorm,’ Sweet Jesus, I am going to need a lot of wine!

7. Some things never change- the next day 

1:00 pm: (I text Thing 1)

call me when you get a sec

no response

4:00 pm: (I call)

        Hey mom

        Didn’t you get my text?

        Yes, can I call you back?

        Ah, ok, Sure

8:00 pm: (He calls) 

       Hey.

How was your first day?

      Good.

How did you sleep?

Hot.

What did you do all day?

      Not much.

You sounded busy when I called earlier.

       Yeah.

How was your first night out?

      Good.

Did you go out?

      Yes.

In the meantime, I know he stayed out until 4:01 am; he’s been all over campus, got Chipotle for lunch, picked up gear at the Den. Yet, he says nothing. Is it wrong that I spy on my kid with Life 360 and my credit card App? Am I the only one that does this? I sure hope University teaches him words with more than one syllable.

The good news is that I am sleeping a little longer each night. And yesterday, I only checked Life360 four times, progress not perfection. I am also trying to worry less -said a mother, never.

Final thought… I poke fun at the UM parent group, yet I am incredibly grateful for the massive amounts of helpful information, especially for newbies. It turns out putty is precisely what is needed to hang posters. Thanks to this group, I was fully prepared.