Justice Jennings
8.30.97-7.27.19
Despite the stress his body suffered, one organ withstood. He was gone, but his heart was not, it beat with strength and purpose, so when asked at their most vulnerable moment if they would consider donating his heart, the answer came easy.
Little is known about the recipient. He is in his fifties, a husband and father. The details aren’t necessarily what matters; a heart was needed, and Justice had one to give.
What transpired during JJ’s last hours is a medical marvel laced with compassion and selfless love. As the nurses and doctors lined the hallway, the stage was set, and JJ could take a last run around the bases, one final clap out if you will. JJ departed the same way he came into this world, with E & D by his side.
I wonder how the recipient is doing. Is he living a full life? Is he grateful for the gift? Is he able to chase his kids around the park?
I think of JJ’s friends and their young lives. Do they glance at their tattoos and recall their pact for JJ to make different choices?
And the grown-ups, too, I wonder, do they remember their promises to each other during those difficult days?
No doubt, JJ serves as my compass, a pulse to stay grounded, remember what matters, and do better and be better.
Forever hopeful,
Xo-Mic
August 2019
I was asked to compile photos and a slide show for his celebration of life ceremony. Of course, I am happy to do anything. I feel utterly useless now, so yes, I do whatever is asked of me.
I feel like a faucet that bursts, with water shooting in every direction. I try to plug the leaks, but it’s impossible. The emotions are overflowing, the heaviness of the loss. There is a giant lump in my throat; I can’t swallow. I try to say something, but nothing comes out. I finally let go and allow my tears to wash away the pain; it’s the only thing left to do.
In-Between
Images of you saturate my inbox. Your sparkling eyes and contagious smile shine a light on the darkness. How am I supposed to capture your essence, the life you lived in minutes on a screen?
What an adorable toddler; no wonder you wrapped us around your finger. Oh, how I love the sun-kissed surfer boy stage, able to compete in any arena, hundreds of eyes on you without showing a sign of self-doubt. Yet, so inward, so quiet, your mind was permanently working overtime to comprehend, to fit in. You grew up, fell in love, and discovered the artist in you. Self-expression in full display, angel wings and all.
Weaving through your life, it is clear that the in-betweens are what make up the tapestry of your life. It’s the inside joke amongst mates, the holding hands as the sun sets in your favorite spot, the ‘thanks mom for all you do’ or the tattoo that took five minutes but lasted a lifetime. It’s the apology that finally comes and sets you free, the extra tight hug from your bestie, or a random act of kindness by a stranger that changes a day.
I am in awe of the in-betweens that have made this tolerable. The loving hands of a nurse that gently cared for you as Erika struggled to catch her breath. It’s the carving of your initials on a tree in hopes of always having ‘our spot.’ It’s the friends who made time to visit with Nana because she, too, is in pain. It’s the laughter from childhood friends as they share stories and show off their JJ brand. It’s the moment you finally see someone, really see them. Not as a shadow taking space, but instead, a constant source of untapped love that was there all along. It’s watching Bella wipe her eyes and ask, “What can I do to honor his legacy?” It’s hanging on for a few more hours if it means a stranger gets a chance at life.
It is easy to get caught up in BIG moments. Much of our time is spent gauging our life by the bigness of it. Which University will I attend? Do I have the right Job? I want a big wedding, a big house, only followed by a bigger house. We are constantly chasing BIGNESS to define our worth.
The truth is that life is made up of a million little moments, in-betweens, and the only thing we ought to be chasing is that feeling of connection, of meaning, of joy. Therein lies happiness, and it has little to do with the wealth you have accumulated or the title you hold.
As I look through the photos, one thing is for sure: JJ had many in-betweens. So, we gather to celebrate, to laugh, and to cry. But mostly, we marvel at the constellation of life, the sequence of events that have led us here. A lesson taught best by our newest angel, asking us to slow down, make time, and remember what matters: the in-betweens.
Xo, Mic
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