Dear Moms of Daughters,
Yes, I am being particular here. Listen up, ladies, no doubt that many of you are killing it in the mama category. Planting seeds of encouragement, confidence, kindness, inclusion, and compassion. Weaving complicated lessons as you strive to illuminate the path forward for your beautiful girls. Gently guiding them back as mistakes are made and exposing hard truths; social media is smoke and mirrors; beauty is more than a perfect body, designer clothes, and ‘cool’ friends.
But WTF ladies, what about the rest of you? Have you lost your mind? Or are you completely blind? Perhaps you are in denial? Do you not see that your daughter is a mean girl? Do you not see that your girl is a troll? She is actively and purposely living her days spewing ugliness. Living with the sole purpose of alienating, power tripping, and making others feel unworthy. Do you get that you are a mom of a mean girl (moamg)? YOU ARE A MOAMG!
Truth be told, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I get it, moms; life has disappointed you with falsehoods. You were promised the Cinderella slipper but instead got a punch in the gut. You have been hurt deeply. So, to protect yourself (your ego), you falsely created depth to your life with a fuckery of fakery. Underneath, you are sad, lonely, and cling to false protection with the armor of a bully.
As if dealing with grown women who are bullies isn’t enough, we are now forced to deal with young girls armed with their own armor of fuckery. MOAMG disguises this as ‘I am raising a strong girl,’ she will not be a pushover, but the reality is that your software has a virus. What remains is girls being horrible to one another to fulfill a misguided attempt to protect their insecurities. This is not a new tale, bullies have always existed, but the difference is that today’s mean girls have weaponized social media and can crush a soul with a click of a button.
Can we please pause, reflect & redirect? Seriously, MOAMG, do you want to raise your daughter to grow hollow with falsehoods? Do you wish to raise a person that hurts others so that they can feel better about themselves? To navigate through life believing that meaningful relationships are based on power and control? Do you want your daughter to design her life with a fuckery of fakery?
Be honest; think of all the happy people in your orbit. Are they walking around tearing people down, being negative? Are they cheating and lying to get ahead? Are they trying desperately to belong, to be part of something? Or are they kind, complimentary, use words for encouragement to be positive? As grown-ups, we get it; we know who the real winners are. We know it has nothing to do with the commas in a bank account or the size of your dress. We know, we rise by lifting each other. We get it, kindness matters. Frankly, we are sad for those who think life is about manipulation, control, and ownership.
But young girls don’t know this distinction. We (Non-MOAMG) are trying to do right by our girls, but young girls are heavily swayed and influenced by their peers. They care about their peers and their opinions. This is where it gets complicated and why mean girls have an edge. But I am starting to realize that we have been barking up the wrong tree. We are too focused on trying to reason with mean girls. Perhaps we ought to redirect our thinking and deal with the adult in the room.
This is a plea to the MOAMG. It doesn’t have to be this way. You can use your influence to change the trajectory of your child. This will not be easy. It will involve work. It will undoubtedly require accountability from your end. You may need to say to your girl, ‘I am sorry, I gave you the wrong message. You don’t have to crush souls to be strong.’ MOAMG, don’t let your girls get stuck (like you are). Remind them that they have wings; all they need is to use them to F.L.Y. (first love yourself).
Here’s my message to MOAMG (aka the adult in the room), do us a solid, teach your girl how to F.L.Y. or back the fuck off and take your girl with you. The rest of us are working hard to prep our girls to take flight, use their wings, and soar to new heights.
And to the NON-MOAMG, don’t give up the good fight. Keep watering seeds of compassion and kindness. Keep tearing down the barriers. I know your arm will grow tired of holding the mirror for your magnificent girl. But hold the mirror as long as it takes for them to see how glorious they are. Eventually, they will be strong enough to hold the mirror for someone else.
AFTERWORD
I fully appreciate that this applies to moms of boys too. Nevertheless, ToGETher JOY is meant to be a sisterhood, get her, have each other’s back, and support each other. Hence why I focus on women of all ages. I am raising boys and have my own set of struggles. But never has my jaw dropped so much than when I hear my girlfriends share their struggles of raising young women in a culture that is saturated with shittiness. Sentiments of I am not good enough is the undercurrent that fuels mean girls. They feel unworthy and are doing everything in their power to make others feel this way too. It must end. This is my attempt to peel layers back, to call a spade a spade. Moms…we need to be better; we need to do better for our girls. We have been given the honor to raise them; let’s be examples to them, let’s support each other, together is better. To shine brightly is to light the path for others.
Shine On!
