Time Flies

I curl up on the couch, knees to my chest, and listen as she reminisces with such clarity. We laugh easily, remembering all the shenanigans. Finny the crab, the epic tantrums from Thing 2, baby bear; she gives birth to many beautiful memories. 

She still has the ‘it’ quality. Goodness oozes out of her effortlessly. She radiates the most beautiful and loving energy. Intuitively I knew that she was meant to be part of us and hired her on the spot. Indeed, she was sent by the heavens, and Paola turned out to be so much more than our nanny; she became an extension of our family. She was my eyes and heart when I could not be around. She cared for my boys with such tenderness, kindness, and compassion. 

I am in awe of this moment. She used to change their diapers and rock them to sleep. My boys tower over her now, their gaze lowers, but the love for her has grown immensely. Wow, I can’t believe it; where does the time go? I ask her.  

There it is again, I catch myself, I am repeating it…I have noticed how easily these words roll off the tongue these days.

I can’t believe Thing 1 graduated this weekend… don’t blink

I can’t believe my Nina is gone… it seems like only yesterday she was shaking her hips like Shakira

I can’t believe I am booking my thirty-year high school reunion…wow, time flies

I can’t believe I haven’t seen my brother in years…the days are long, but years are short?

I can’t believe it’s going on two years since JJ…where do the days go?

I can’t believe I have been married twenty years…a blink of an eye

I can’t believe Thing 2 is sixteen and taller than me…just like that, it happens

Believe It

Yup, believe it! This so-called life is happening, and it’s quicker than I could have imagined. And there is nothing I can do to slow it down. Zilch. The only saving grace is that I finally realize that time is not my friend. The clock is ticking, the countdown starts the moment we are born, and it doesn’t care…

Time…does not care if I am not ready to see my kid fly from the nest

Time…does not care if death comes knocking; it will answer the door

Time…does not care if sickness comes

Time…does not care if I never start my business, write the book, take a chance or dream big

Time…does not care if I waste my days watching tv, eating junk food, or dreaming small

Today will become yesterday…and my yesterdays don’t care if I spend my days living my days with purpose or sitting on the sidelines feeling sorry for myself.

Self Audit

So, if time is not my friend and tomorrow is not guaranteed, how will I choose to live TODAY? I suppose I better get on with the business of what I CAN control—ME, my actions, my attitude, my choices, my people, my moments. Thus, I choose to spread joy, happiness, and laughter. Today, I wish to be an uplifter.

How about you? Are you living your best days? I see too many folks on autopilot. Going through the motions, filling their days with unfulfilled careers, relationships, or just feeling miserable. Perhaps it is time to pause, reflect and redirect.

Time Thieves

Heart emoji

I recently went through emails and purged. I unsubscribed to dozens of outlets that delivered daily emails, aka distractions and junk. I realized they were set up to lure me in with nonsense which equated to hours of waste. I also canceled gossip magazines and stopped following people spewing ridiculousness. Let’s just say there was a time, I knew way too much about Kanye and Kim. I now monitor my social media usage. I may have been spending a bit too much time liking and/or judging other people’s posts…wait, what about my life? Am I living a life worth a heart emoji? Got it, less of ‘them,’ more of me.

The futurist

The futurist is the gloomiest offender. The people who have deposited their dreams with strict instructions not to withdraw for years to come. For example, those who have romanticized retirement. They have a picture of retirement; it’s a beautiful picture. It is filled with vacations and amazing adventures…but it’s out there in the future. Truthfully, it’s a day that may never come. Yet, this doesn’t seem to faze a futurist. Instead, they put their head down, grind it out and allow little space for fun, waiting for ‘when they retire’ moments. My uncle was a futurist; he did retire; he also got diagnosed with cancer and died before enjoying retirement.

I get sideways when I hear my girlfriends say things like, ‘when the kids get older’… the ones that have tabled ALL their wants and needs for their children. They empty their entire energy tank on their children’s lives and leave little room for their partners or themselves. Did you know that empty nesters are in sync with high divorce rates? They have coined it the grey divorce. When couples discover that the only thing holding them together is the children. It turns out, most of us become experts at answering to mom or dad but are clueless on how to be a wife, a husband, a life partner. Too often, we lose track of our partners. They are the ones we chose to start the race with, yet they are the first we leave behind when kids come into the picture.

Of course, your children are important, they matter, but you know what? They grow up and plan a life that will likely NOT include you except for holidays and vacations. Meaning it’s okay to transfer some energy towards your needs and wants. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. Instead, it makes you a role model. It shows them that you, too, matter.

We all know a futurist. I will start the diet tomorrow; I’ll start working out tomorrow. I’ll quit smoking tomorrow; I will start my business idea tomorrow. We spend so much time and energy talking about what tomorrow will look like only to push it back one more day… one more week… one more month…the year comes and goes. Before we know it, it’s New Year’s Eve again. The stage is set for a new list of false resolutions, tomorrow’s goals, and aspirations that never come to fruition.

The Predictors

Ever since I can remember, my mother has said, ‘I will work until I die; I don’t do homemaker; I only know how to work.’ Well, time is up for Nana. Retirement is imminent. I can sense her struggle. For you see, she has a self-fulfilling prophecy; she has predicted all her life that she will die working. What happens when work is eliminated from the equation? She is programmed to believe it must be over. She literally cannot imagine a life without work.

BUT what if she changed the chatter in her head? Reprogrammed her internal software to trigger excitement. ‘Oh, I am going to have so much free time to travel and visit family. I am going to sleep in and pamper myself.’

Self-fulfilling prophecy can be advantageous. Unfortunately, it is mainly used as a crutch. It relies heavily on individuals to align their behavior to support an expected outcome. I have a friend who shared her disappointment recently. A sequence of events created anxiety in her life, and the result was not positive. She said a few things that made me pause throughout our conversation, ‘oh, I suppose, I am used to it; things never work out for me. I have always struggled. It’s my life. I am used to being disappointed; it’s my reality.’

I believe that she believes this. I think that she has programmed her viewfinder to predict adverse outcomes. Hence, she expects things not to work out for her. But the reality is that the universe is not bullying her and purposely dealing her bad hands. Instead, I believe things don’t work out because she has the mindset, a self-fulfilling prophecy for disappointment. It’s easier to put your hands up and paint broad strokes; ‘it is what it is’ mentality. It is also a cop-out. Predictors need massive rewiring.  

What I am suggesting is a mindset shift. This includes choosing your words carefully. What if she stopped accepting outcomes and started flipping things? What if things haven’t worked out because she keeps walking the same path. Perhaps it’s time to change the route.

Why is mindset critical? Because it changes how we approach life. Because it offers us the best chance at living with purpose. Because time is ticking, and we are running out of time. Because we need to get on with the business of doing. Because life is not meant to be viewed from the sidelines, put me in coach, I am ready to play!

Take Control

Self-care is non-negotiable. You must be first on your list. Don’t allow a special relationship (your children) to be so heavy that you cannot see and nurture other important ones, including yourself.

Life will deliver plenty of detours and obstacles—no need to create any for yourself. Don’t self-sabotage your dreams, do not set up roadblocks. Don’t do ‘I can’t’; instead, if you want something, figure it out. There is always a way. And for goodness’ sake, start taking steps today towards your dreams NOW. 

Pay close attention to how things make you feel. When you feel joy, do everything in your power to keep it. Sometimes you will need to chase it but do it; it’s worth it. If you are resentful, if you are angry, that’s the universe communicating if you feel out of sorts. What you have been doing is no longer serving you. It is time to change. This is where the purging comes in. Get rid, let go; wearing negative armor is exhausting. Trust me, you are the only one that suffers. Start doing things that make you feel joy, feel loved, feel appreciated, feel inspired, and feel connected.

And finally, know your theme song. This will change depending on the stage of your life; regardless, know your music, play it often and edit accordingly. I recently watched the Friends reunion. I loved it. Nostalgia at its best, can you believe the last episode aired in 2004. The theme song took me back; it was 90’s; I was attending University and living with friends … my backdrop was not NY, but it was LA (Lower Akron) …

I’ll Be There For You (The Rembrandts)

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, your broke
Your love life's DOA
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, or even your year, but
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you

So true. My friends were always there for me. Wow, Time Flies…I haven’t seen them in ages.

These days I am rolling with…

This is Me (The Greatest Showman)

 Another round of bullets hits my skin
  Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
  We are bursting through the barricades and
  Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
  Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)
 I won't let them break me down to dust
  I know that there's a place for us
  For we are glorious
 When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
  I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out
  I am brave, I am bruised
  I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
  Look out 'cause here I come
  And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
  I'm not scared to be seen
  I make no apologies, this is me
 Oh-oh-oh-oh
  Oh-oh-oh-oh
  Oh-oh-oh-oh
  Oh-oh-oh-oh
  Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
  This is me
 And I know that I deserve your love
  (Oh-oh-oh-oh) There's nothing I'm not worthy of
  (Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)
  When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
  I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out
  This is brave, this is bruised
  This is who I'm meant to be, this is me 

This is me; look out ’cause here I come’; My ship has not sailed. Tomorrow is not my friend; today, I plan to make it work for me, to move the dial forward and invest in myself. Want to you join me? You are worth it!

C’mon, let’s F.L.Y. and get our JOY on!